I've alluded to my slight resemblance to a certain Mr Rooney in a previous blog post so here's a piece of Stand up/prose I wrote a while back, I've posted it now due to his final call up for the England Squad and I've now got a photo of Me with him (okay his waxwork) I wore contact lenses years ago when I kept getting the comments... perhaps I should of whipped my glasses off in the photo. So here goes....
The woman ran half the length of the Airport departure lounge.
“Oh you’re not him.”
“Not who?”
“Wayne Rooney.. I thought for a second it was him flying out to somewhere for a game.”
“Err….No.”
A week later in a café I was in the queue and got to the counter
“Can I have a Cappuccino and.”
“Before you start ordering can I just say you look just like..”
“Wayne Rooney?”
“Yes I bet you get told all the time..”
“No never..”
It seems I was getting told this almost weekly for about six months When Wayne first hit the big time over ten years ago.
I was flattered being told I look like someone almost half my age.
Before I was being mistaken for Wayne Rooney or perhaps more likely his dad, it seems I’ve looked like a lot of people, it started when I was seven, my mum said “I know who you can go to the fancy dress party as.”
My mum decided with my blond hair blue eyes I looked like a young, actually at seven a very young Peter O’Toole so a week later dressed in pair of trousers made from a my dad’s shirt sleeves, a tea towel on my head and wellies, I was standing next to a Dorothy complete with red shoes, gingham frock and small dog, on the other side of me was a small James Bond resplendent in a white dinner jacket.
Dorothy looked at me and said “Who are you?”
I mumbled, “Lawrence of Arabia.”
“Who?” asked the miniature MI5 operative.
“Lawrence of Arabia.” I replied louder.
“Oh never heard of him”
It seems my mum must have been right because I came second to James Bond double O five and a half.
Years later I decided to bleach my hair and when my then girlfriend introduced me to her parents her dad announced I looked like Aussie cricketer Shane Warne.
Why? Cause I’m tanned and athletic?
No cause you’re fat and blond.
Charming, I thought, Once when I passed my Driving licence over for I.D purposes I was told the photo looked like Eddie Izzard, now I must admit that was a new one.
Now days it’s not just looking like a famous person, It’s having the same name as someone slightly more famous or important than yourself. It’s called your Google ganger…. And it’s the people who appear on the search results above you.
If you google your name, everyone will have someone with exactly the same name, some will be slightly famous or important. Apparently my wife Laura is a singer who does the club circuit around the East Midlands… I keep expecting her phone to ring for bookings and I’ve got two Google Gangers myself.
One is chief environmental officer in Surrey, so I could shut down any Kebab shop within a twenty mile radius of Reigate with a flash of my driving licence.
The other is the main special effects and stunt coordinator at Lucas film.
So I’m not famous at all just people keep thinking I might be.
(: true
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